And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
