the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
