so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
