just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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