the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
