I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
