So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
