he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
