Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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