I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize