The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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