I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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