By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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