she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
