If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
