I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
