Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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