note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
