I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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