i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
