I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
