I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize