oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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