no. you can't hotbox the world.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
