After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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