Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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