This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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