Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
