wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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