I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
