My Higher Power is John Stamos
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize