went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
