Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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