I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
