I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
