There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You work out of a Hotel?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
