You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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