the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
