is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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