And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
