When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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