He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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