When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize