You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she peed on how many people?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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