chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
