guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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