You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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