What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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