hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize