Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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