Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
