this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
