Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
