so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
