i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
