capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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