Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
