Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
