oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
