I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
