TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
