Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
