A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
