There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Randomize
