I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
