Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
