Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
